You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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