dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You pole danced in your parka.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
