we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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