are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
