That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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