Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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