Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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