he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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