I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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