The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
