I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
