Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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