All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
