so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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