he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
