just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
