I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
