I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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