i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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