You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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