My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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