I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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