Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dick very happy bro
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
