Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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