my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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