My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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