I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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