I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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