I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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