You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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