its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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