i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
