I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
as a side note pls kill me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
