Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
