he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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