I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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