Barsexuality is the new black.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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