google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
