I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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