Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
