he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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