I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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