mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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