I think I died a long time ago.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
