so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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