When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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