I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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