guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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