his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
