so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
