Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
