her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
