Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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