sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
