I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
