booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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