dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
