bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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