Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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