I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
